Hello, my lovelies, and welcome back to the blog.

If you’ve been following along with our Money Confidence Month, you’ll know we’ve been diving deep into the messy, emotional, and often avoided world of our finances. Today, I am so excited to share the companion post for Episode 57 of the Cappuccinos & Confidence podcast.

Pull up a chair, grab your favourite brew, whether that’s a frothy cappuccino, a calming herbal tea, or just a big glass of water, and let’s have a really honest, heart-to-heart chat.

In this week’s episode, we aren't just talking about the "how-to" of budgeting or the mechanics of clearing debt. We are going much deeper. We are talking about your money identity.

Because sometimes, the biggest thing holding you back from financial peace isn’t a lack of maths skills or a low income. It’s the story you’ve been telling yourself about who you are with money.

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I’m just bad with money,” or if you’ve spent years avoiding your bank app because the numbers feel like a personal attack, this is for you. I want you to hear this loud and clear: You can be good with money, even if you weren't taught how.

Part 1: The Hidden Weight of the "I'm Just Bad with Money" Script

In the podcast, I shared the story of a woman called Rachel. Rachel is clever, capable, and hardworking. She’s the one everyone relies on at work; she hits deadlines, manages complex projects, and solves problems before anyone else even notices them.

But when it comes to her personal finances? Rachel feels like a different person.

She tells herself she’s "terrible" with money. She makes jokes about it at brunch, saying things like, "I don't know where it all goes!" or "I'm too scared to even check my account." People laugh because it feels relatable, but deep down, Rachel feels a quiet, heavy sense of embarrassment.

Every payday, she starts with the best intentions. This month will be different. She’ll save, she’ll be "sensible," and she’ll finally sort her life out. But then… life happens. An unexpected car repair, a stressful day that leads to an impulsive online order, or a supermarket shop that somehow costs £20 more than she planned.

By the middle of the month, the panic sets in. By the end, she’s back where she started, repeating that same old script: "I'm just bad with money."

Does that sound familiar, my loves?

Here is the truth that Rachel, and perhaps you, might be missing: Not being taught does not mean you are incapable.

Part 2: Validating Why You Don't Know Yet

Most of us were expected to step into adulthood and suddenly know how to manage a salary, pay taxes, understand credit scores, build an emergency fund, and invest for the future.

But who actually sat us down and showed us?

Who explained the psychological side of emotional spending? Who taught us how to look at a credit card statement without a nervous breakdown? For many of us, the answer is "nobody." We learned by trial and error, often in a world that profits from us being confused and impulsive.

If you weren't taught how to cook, nobody would call you a "bad person" for burning toast. If you weren't taught how to drive, nobody would expect you to navigate a motorway. So why are we so cruel to ourselves when it comes to money?

Your past financial "mistakes" aren't a reflection of your character. They are simply evidence of a skill you haven't mastered yet. And the beautiful thing about skills? They can be learned at any age.

Part 3: Shifting Your Money Identity

One of the most powerful shifts you can make is changing the way you speak about yourself. The phrase "I'm bad with money" isn't a fact; it's an identity you’ve practised. And because you believe it, you act in ways that prove it true. You avoid the apps, you spend the money because "what's the point?", and you stay stuck in survival mode.

I want you to try a new sentence on for size. It doesn't have to be a grand, "delusional" affirmation. It just needs to be honest:

"I am learning to handle my money with more calm and clarity."

Doesn't that feel lighter? It gives you room to breathe. It acknowledges that you aren't perfect yet, but you are in motion. You are becoming the woman who checks her account, who knows her numbers, and who makes choices from a place of self-trust rather than panic.

For more resources on mindset shifts and stepping into your power, you can explore my About page to see how I help women navigate these changes.

Part 4: The Power of Gentle Honesty

Becoming good with money doesn't start with a complicated spreadsheet. It starts with a simple, gentle act of honesty.

You cannot change what you are not willing to look at.

I often tell my clients that their bank balance is not a personality test. It is just information. It tells you where you are today so you can decide where you want to go tomorrow.

If a friend called you because she was lost, you wouldn't start by telling her she’s a failure for being lost. You’d ask, "Where are you?" so you could help her find her way home. Money is the same. Your first step is to simply ask, "Where am I?"

Small Habits That Rebuild Self-Trust

If you want to move from "avoidance" to "confidence," you don't need a total life overhaul. You need small, repeated actions that build evidence of your new identity. Here are the four habits I discussed in Episode 57:

1. The Weekly Money Date: Set aside 15 minutes once a week (I love Friday mornings) to check your accounts. Make a coffee, put on your favourite playlist, and just look. No drama, no judgment. Just looking.
2. Write Down the "Big Rocks": List your fixed bills, rent, council tax, phone, utilities. When these numbers are out of your head and on paper, they stop feeling like scary background noise and start feeling like manageable tasks.
3. The "Tiny Save": Even if it’s just £5 on payday, move it into a separate pot. The amount doesn't matter as much as the habit. Every time you save, you are telling yourself: "I am a woman who prepares for my future."
4. The Emotional Pause: Before an impulsive purchase, ask yourself: "What am I trying to feel right now?" Are you seeking comfort? Control? A reward? Sometimes, once you name the feeling, you realise you don't need the new shoes, you need a nap or a chat with a friend.

Part 5: You Are Allowed to Start Again

One of the biggest lies shame tells us is that it's too late.

It’s not too late. Whether you are 25, 45, or 65, you are allowed to start again. You are allowed to decide that today is the day you stop being a passenger in your financial life and start being the driver.

Starting again doesn't mean your past disappeared. It means your past no longer gets to dictate your future. You can learn to budget without shame. You can learn to save for a "soft life" that feels safe and luxurious. You can learn to face debt with a calm plan.

If you’re ready for more guidance on your growth journey, check out my Resources page for tools that support your mindset and strategy.

Create a System That Supports Your Joy

If you’ve spent your life thinking a budget is a "naughty list" designed to stop you from having fun, I want to introduce you to Soft Budgeting.

Soft budgeting is about clarity, not restriction. It’s about giving your money a job so that when you do spend on that beautiful dress or that weekend away, you can do it with 100% joy and 0% guilt, because you know the bills are covered and your future self is looked after.

To help you with this, I created the Soft Life Budget Planner.

It’s designed specifically for the woman who wants to feel calmer and more in control without feeling punished. It helps you track your numbers, plan for your joy, and rebuild that all-important self-trust.

Download the Soft Life Budget Planner here →

Summing Up

My loves, you were not born "bad with money." You were just a student who hadn't found the right teacher yet.

Be patient with yourself as you learn these new skills. Financial confidence isn't about having a perfect bank statement; it's about having a peaceful relationship with your resources. You are capable of building a life where money feels like a supportive friend rather than a scary stranger.

Thank you for tuning in to Episode 57 and for reading today. I am so proud of the steps you are taking.

With so much love,

Nefe x

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Important note: This blog post is for general personal growth and money confidence only. It is not financial advice. Please consider your own circumstances and speak to a qualified financial adviser or debt adviser where needed.