Ever woken up feeling like the floor beneath your feet is wobblier than jelly on a plate? You’re not alone. In a world of endless to-do lists and countless obligations, confidence can feel like an elusive unicorn—there one moment, gone the next. But here’s the empowering secret: confidence isn’t an accident. It doesn’t appear out of the blue like an Amazon parcel you forgot you ordered. It’s cultivated, shaped, and grown through daily habits.
I’m Nefe, founder of Nefe Wellness, and my mission is simple: to help women battling low self-esteem and pesky self-doubt to reclaim their sense of worth and unleash a new level of confidence. Spoiler alert: you already possess everything you need to start this transformation. All it takes is a willingness to tweak those day-to-day routines so they become stepping stones toward a stronger, happier you.
This post is your guide to making practical changes through habit stacking and sustainable routines. Think of it as your personal roadmap to stepping into a future brimming with self-assurance (and maybe a dash of cheeky humour along the way). Ready to dive in? Let’s do this.
The Power of “Habit Stacking”
Struggling to squeeze a new routine into your jam-packed schedule? It’s a common headache. We vow to exercise, journal, or meditate—but by lunchtime, we’ve either forgotten entirely or convinced ourselves tomorrow is the magical day we’ll “really start.” So how do we get our well-meaning intentions to stick?
Enter habit stacking—your new best friend in the world of personal development. It’s not complicated or time-consuming, but boy, does it pack a punch in the confidence department.
What Is Habit Stacking?
Imagine your daily habits as dominoes—a chain of triggers you follow like a well-rehearsed dance routine. You wake up, you get dressed, you sip your morning brew, you maybe scroll Instagram for a few minutes… you get the picture. Habit stacking simply means piggybacking a new desired behaviour onto one of these established habits.
For instance, if you’re trying to read more personal development books, tie it to your “morning coffee” routine. The moment you flick on the kettle, you also flip open your book. So your routine becomes: boil kettle → read a page → sip coffee. Voila! Reading no longer competes for your attention with 101 other tasks.
Why Habit Stacking Works
Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried sheer willpower and ended up feeling like you’d just arm-wrestled a bear. Habit stacking works precisely because it bypasses the need for superhuman resolve. Instead, it makes use of your existing neural pathways. Your brain is already used to “put coffee granules in mug, fill with hot water, add milk (or not), stir,” so adding “read one page of a book” feels easy—even borderline automatic—after a few days.
Think of it as merging onto a motorway that’s already flowing with traffic, rather than creating a brand-new road from scratch. You don’t need new signage or a fresh route; you just ride the momentum of what’s already there.
Real-Life Examples
- Morning Cuppa + Affirmations
While your coffee or tea is brewing, take a breath and recite one self-affirmation. Something short and sweet works best: “I am strong, I am smart, I can handle anything today throws at me.” - Teeth Brushing + Mini Squats
If you’re pressed for time in the morning, do 10 squats as you brush. Yes, you’ll feel a bit ridiculous—what if your partner walks by? Let them giggle. In a week, your legs will feel stronger, and your sense of self-discipline will spike. - Post-Shower Journaling
After you dry off, open your journal and jot down three things you’re grateful for. This micro-habit can send feel-good endorphins racing through your body faster than your hair can drip on the floor.
Creating a Sustainable Routine
You know those fancy diets that promise a beach-ready body in 24 hours but leave you sobbing into a lettuce leaf by day two? That’s the opposite of sustainable. Real, lasting change is a marathon, not a sprint. A sustainable routine fits neatly into your existing life while gently challenging you to grow. No meltdown required.
The Art of Consistency
Consistency can sound about as thrilling as watching paint dry, but let me share a little secret: consistency is the foundation of self-belief. Every time you follow through on a small promise—like writing two lines in a gratitude journal or doing three sun salutations—you accumulate evidence that you’re reliable, disciplined, and worth investing in. That’s the bedrock of self-confidence right there.
And guess what? If you slip up one day, it doesn’t demolish the castle you’re building. A single missed day isn’t the end of the world; it’s an opportunity to reaffirm your commitment the next day. That’s what makes your routine sustainable: it bends without breaking.
Morning Routines: Setting the Tone
Let’s face it: mornings can be chaotic. Maybe you’ve got kids who pop out of bed like squirrels on caffeine, or a dog that insists on a walk before you can even stretch. Perhaps you’re juggling an early commute, desperately trying to match socks in the half-light of dawn. But guess what? Even in the bustle, you can carve out pockets of intention.
- Gentle Alarms
Swap the terrifying klaxon for something softer—a melodic tune or nature sounds. Start your day with a hint of peace rather than a burst of adrenaline. - One-Minute Gratitude Practice
Before you even get out of bed, think of a single thing you’re grateful for. It could be the comfortable sheets, the fact you woke up healthy, or even your cat’s purr. A micro-dose of gratitude can work wonders for your morning mood. - Mindful Movement
Don’t overcomplicate it. A few neck rolls, shoulder shrugs, or toe touches to get the blood flowing. It’s a small but mighty habit that helps shake off sleep inertia and invests in your well-being from the get-go.
Evening Routines: Winding Down
If mornings set the tone, evenings are the final act of the day. How you end your day significantly affects how you feel by the time your head hits the pillow—and even how you’ll wake up tomorrow.
- Digital Detox
Try powering down devices at least 30 minutes before bedtime. (Yes, I know the temptation to watch one more cat video is real, but your circadian rhythm will thank you.) - Short Reflection
Jot down one thing that went well today, however trivial. Maybe you remembered to water that wilting plant or tackled an email you’d been dreading. Acknowledge your small successes to reinforce a positive self-image. - Prep for Tomorrow
Lay out clothes, plan breakfast, or write a quick to-do list. Eliminating morning guesswork is like gifting yourself an extra slice of calm before the daily storm.
Battling Low Confidence and Self-Doubt
Think of self-doubt as that clingy acquaintance who shows up uninvited and insists on criticising your decor. Sometimes, no matter how lovely your inner “house” is, that voice says, “Eh, not good enough.” But here’s the thing: you don’t have to let that voice run the show.
The Negative Loop of Inaction
One of the sneakiest traps in the confidence game is the cycle of inaction. You feel incapable, so you don’t try. Because you don’t try, you confirm your own negative beliefs. And so the loop spins, draining away your motivation like a leaky bath plug.
How to break it? Take a tiny step. Seriously, even a micro-step—like replying to one overdue text or doing one push-up—has the power to crack the vicious cycle. One action leads to another, and soon you’re building momentum like a domino chain in your favour.
Using Habits to Shift Your Mindset
Habits aren’t just about ticking boxes off a to-do list; they’re about reprogramming how you see yourself. Every positive habit you uphold sends a message: “I am someone who follows through.” Over time, your brain starts to adopt that identity. It’s like a slow, subtle rebranding campaign for your self-esteem.
If you establish a consistent workout routine—no matter how brief—you’ll begin to perceive yourself as someone who’s active and cares about their health. If you commit to writing a gratitude note each evening, you’ll start seeing yourself as a person who finds silver linings, even on tough days. Bit by bit, these small identity shifts pile up into a fortress of self-belief.
Embracing Small Wins
We live in a culture that adores big milestones—graduations, promotions, losing 20 kilos, or finishing a marathon. But what about the 99% of life that happens in-between those major events? That’s where small wins come in. They’re the daily bread of confidence-building.
Yes, celebrate your massive victories with confetti and fireworks if you can. But don’t wait for those biggies to pat yourself on the back. If you managed to prepare a healthy lunch instead of ordering a takeaway, that’s worth a mini dance party in the kitchen. If you overcame a minor fear—like finally calling the dentist—that’s another step toward self-empowerment. Give yourself permission to revel in every inch of progress.
Related post: Reclaim Your Worth: Celebrate Small Wins and Crush March Goals
Stories and Metaphors: Shaping Our Inner Narratives
Think back to when you were a child, rapt with attention at a bedtime story. Stories spark our imagination and often illuminate truths about ourselves that plain facts can’t convey. In building confidence through habits, it helps to hold onto a few parables or metaphors that bring these ideas to life.
The Tree That Grew Through Concrete
Picture a city sidewalk, cracked in one spot. A lone seed lands in that crack. It has no gardener caring for it, no fertile soil, no fancy fertiliser—just a stubborn will to survive. It grows, bit by bit, pushing up through the concrete until a tiny sapling is visible. Eventually, it becomes strong enough to crack the pavement entirely.
Your daily habits are those tiny seeds. They may seem small and insignificant in a big, busy world, but persistent effort can break even the toughest barriers of self-doubt, stress, or negativity.
The Lighthouse Keeper’s Daily Task
Now imagine a lighthouse perched on a jagged cliff, battered by howling winds. The keeper’s job seems dull: climb the spiral staircase, refill the lantern oil, polish the lens—every single day. Yet one stormy night, a ship in distress uses that beacon to steer clear of the rocks. Suddenly, the keeper’s monotonous tasks become heroic.
Your daily self-care habits (those few minutes of meditation, that quick bit of journaling, that mindful lunch break) might feel trivial—until you’re faced with a major life storm. Then, like the lighthouse, your internal resources shine bright, guiding you through chaos. You’ll appreciate every moment you invested in building that resilience.
Real-Life Parables: Me and My Clients
Theory is all well and good, but sometimes you need the real, nitty-gritty stories of people who’ve been there. So, let me share my own experiences and those of a client who discovered how life-altering these small habit shifts can be.
The Sneaky Snooze Button Saga
I’ll be honest: I once worshipped at the altar of the snooze button. The alarm would ring, and I’d slap that button with more gusto than a child whacking a piñata. Five snoozes later, I’d launch out of bed, stressed before I’d even reached my toothbrush.
Finally, I decided to anchor a micro-habit: when the alarm rang, I had to take three deep belly breaths before I could so much as tap snooze. Interestingly, those calming breaths often cleared the morning fog enough for me to think, “Actually, I’m awake enough. Let’s do this.” Over time, I realised I’d cut my snoozing by half, then eventually ditched it altogether. Now, I’m that irritating morning person who gently hums while brushing my teeth—and I owe it all to a few mindful breaths.
Cooking Up Confidence in the Kitchen
Once upon a time, my culinary expertise peaked at toast. The thought of making anything more complicated than scrambled eggs triggered anxiety. Cooking seemed like a skill for domestic goddesses and flamboyant TV chefs, not for me.
Determined to upgrade my self-perception, I started a mini routine: the moment I lit the cooker, I’d put on an upbeat playlist. Suddenly, the kitchen was a stage, and I was dancing about with a wooden spoon microphone. That tiny tweak turned cooking from an ordeal into a mini party. I tried new recipes, messed some up, but discovered that confidence wasn’t in the dish itself—it was in my willingness to try. Each new dish taught me: “Hey, maybe I’m not so useless after all.”
Kemi’s Transformation: Mum of Two Meets Habit Stacking
Meet Kemi (not her real name), a vibrant mum of two who wore more hats than a milliner’s shop. Wife, corporate worker in finance, part-time taxi driver for her children’s activities, and occasional crisis manager for the “Mum, my school project is due tomorrow!” fiasco. She felt like she was dropping the ball in every area of her life—work, family, personal care—and the guilt weighed heavily.
When Kemi began coaching sessions with me, we explored how her day was structured. Turns out, she had loads of “anchor habits” (like picking the kids up from school, sending a daily email briefing at work, or starting dinner). We decided to slip in tiny self-nurturing moments around those anchors:
- Car Brain-Dump: Right after picking the kids up from school, Kemi took 3–5 minutes in the car (before driving off) to jot down her top evening priorities. This helped her feel less overwhelmed transitioning from the office to dinner duty.
- Mini-Mindfulness at Work: Before sending her daily briefing email, she paused to scribble a quick gratitude note. Sometimes it was as simple as “Glad I got through today’s meeting without falling asleep!” but it shifted her perspective in subtle ways.
- Hiring a Nanny: The biggest step was deciding to hire a part-time nanny for childcare and meal prep a couple of days a week. She was wracked with guilt at first—“Shouldn’t I be able to do it all?”—but once she saw how liberating it was, she embraced it. Freeing up that energy meant she could squeeze in a 10-minute yoga session or even sit quietly with a cup of tea and no interruptions.
In three months, Kemi felt like a new person. She was more present with her kids, more relaxed at work, and—shockingly—more confident. Her sense of guilt was replaced by a recognition that outsourcing some tasks wasn’t a failure; it was smart self-care.
Practical Steps for Success
By now, you might be thinking, “Great, I see the magic in habit stacking. But how exactly do I start?” Don’t worry—I’ve got you covered. Here’s your step-by-step game plan for transforming good intentions into daily realities.
1. Identify Your Anchor Habit
Anchor habits are the unsung heroes of successful habit stacking. They’re the reliable daily actions you never skip—like brushing your teeth, checking your phone, starting your car, or feeding the family pet. Pinpoint at least one anchor that occurs around the time you want to slot in a new habit.
For example, if you want to do 10 push-ups before your shower, your anchor is “turning on the shower.” If you’re aiming for daily gratitude journaling, your anchor might be “waiting for the kettle to boil.” Tailoring your new habit to an existing action is the core principle that makes habit stacking work like a charm.
2. Write It All Down
Grab a big, bold marker or open a notes app—whatever floats your organisational boat. Write down the specific formula:
“After I [existing habit], I will [new habit].”
Keep it simple and crystal-clear. Stick the note on your bathroom mirror, fridge door, or set a phone reminder. Clarity is your ally; guesswork is your enemy.
3. Start Tiny, Celebrate Big
Let’s talk about the glorious effect of small actions. Going from zero to a 5k run daily may look impressive on paper, but it’s a recipe for burnout (and sore calves). Instead, start with something laughably small—like a single press-up or one sentence in a journal. When you accomplish that, do a mini-celebration. Yes, do a happy dance in your kitchen or say, “Go me!” out loud. This positivity kick cements the habit in your brain’s reward centres.
4. Adapt, Tweak, and Keep Going
Life is messy, so expecting a perfect, linear habit journey is a bit like expecting it to never rain in the UK. Some days you’ll miss your habit, some days you’ll forget entirely, and that’s okay. The key is to adjust as needed. If your anchor changes—maybe you’ve moved house or your schedule shifted—just pick a new one. Stay flexible and never let a hiccup derail your entire progress. Resilience in habit formation builds resilience in your mindset.
Common Pitfalls and How to Dodge Them
You know that feeling when you’re merrily building new habits and then—wham—you crash into a wall? Let’s look at three big stumbling blocks that often derail people, plus some savvy strategies to avoid them.
1. Overwhelm and Perfectionism
Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried 10 new habits at once and ended up curled in a foetal position on your sofa. Guilty as charged? You’re not alone. Overwhelm is real, and perfectionism often fuels it. You want to get everything right, right now, or you feel like a failure.
The solution? Pick one or two habits to focus on, and let them become second nature before adding more. Praise yourself for partial progress. If you planned to journal for five minutes but only managed two, that’s still two minutes more than none at all. Perfection is overrated—aim for consistency instead.
2. Social Pressures and Habits
Don’t be surprised if someone rolls their eyes when they catch you squatting while brushing your teeth. Change can make others uncomfortable, especially if it highlights their own inertia. Sometimes friends or family may even tease you or question why you’re “wasting time.”
In these moments, remember your why. You’re doing this for your growth and confidence, not their approval. A brief, cheerful explanation—“I’m just trying to be healthier and happier”—can help defuse any judgement. If they continue to criticise, let them. Your self-improvement is not dependent on anyone else’s comfort level.
3. Self-Sabotage
Ah, self-sabotage—that annoying house guest who appears just when you’re making progress. It whispers, “You’ll fail anyway,” or “Don’t bother, you’re too old/too busy/too tired.” Recognise that voice as fear. Fear of change, fear of success, fear of not being able to maintain your new life.
Counter it by logging your wins. Keep a “Victory Log” in your phone or a small notebook. Every time you complete a habit or make a tiny improvement, note it down. Then, when the voice sneers, “You can’t do this,” you have pages of evidence to the contrary.
Summing Up: Step into Your Confidence
If you take away just one thing, let it be this: the small choices you make every day shape who you become. By harnessing the power of habit stacking and creating sustainable routines, you are quietly, steadily building a future you can feel proud of.
Think of your habits as seeds you plant in the fertile soil of daily life. Sure, one seed might look unimpressive. But water it consistently—celebrate each sprout—and before you know it, you have a lush garden of self-belief. That’s how confidence blooms.
There will be days you oversleep, nights you forget to journal, and weeks where life’s curveballs distract you. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Like a flexible sapling, you bend, adapt, and keep growing. Every day offers a fresh chance to vote for the self-assured, resilient person you’re stepping into.
Remember, you’re not broken or lacking. You’re evolving. You can choose, right now, to stand a little taller, trust yourself a bit more, and decide that you are worth the effort. Because you absolutely, unequivocally are.
Resources
Below, you’ll find some helpful resources to continue your journey of building powerful habits and reclaiming the confidence that’s always been yours.
- Recommended Book: “Atomic Habits” by James Clear – This book is a treasure trove for anyone wanting to dive deeper into the science of habit formation. Clear breaks down complex psychology into refreshingly simple steps. Head to here to check it out. (If you use my affiliate link, I might get a small commission at no extra cost to you—thank you for your support!)
- Free Resources: For handy checklists, worksheets, and other goodies to support your habit-building journey, visit: https://nefeoguntoye.com/resources/. Grab whatever resonates with you—everything there is designed to help you cultivate and maintain empowering habits, shift your mindset, and nurture your well-being. No strings attached, just a whole lot of love and encouragement.
- Coaching Services: Sometimes, reading blog posts and downloading free resources isn’t enough to spark a full-on transformation. If you’re craving more tailored guidance, I offer coaching services to help you navigate life’s hurdles, conquer self-doubt, and cement those confidence-boosting routines. Learn more here: https://nefeoguntoye.com/life-coaching-services/. Whether you’re wrestling with stress, a major life transition, or the everyday chaos of modern living, personal coaching can be a game-changer—an investment in you that pays dividends for years to come.
Frequently Asked Questions
- What if I forget to do my new habit?
Don’t stress. Simply adjust your strategy. Set reminders on your phone or place visual cues—sticky notes, fridge magnets, or alarms. The key is to keep anchoring your habit to an established routine until it sticks. - How long does it take for a habit to form?
Some folks claim it’s 21 days, others say 66. The real takeaway is consistency over time. Whether it’s three weeks or three months, keep showing up. Eventually, it will feel like second nature. - Can I build multiple habits at once?
You can—if you’re a superhuman, that is! For the rest of us mere mortals, it’s often wiser to focus on one or two at a time, especially if they require significant effort or motivation. Mastering one habit builds confidence to tackle the next. - What if I mess up and skip a day (or five)?
Welcome to the human club! Missing a few days is no reason to scrap everything. The path to success is rarely a straight line. Just recommit as soon as you can, and use it as a learning opportunity. Maybe you need a different anchor or a simpler starting point. - How do I stay motivated when life gets hectic?
Life’s not always going to hand you a perfect schedule wrapped in a bow. That’s why habit stacking shines—it piggybacks on tasks you have to do anyway. To boost motivation, celebrate every win, revisit your “why,” and remember that small steps still move you forward.
Final Word
Confidence isn’t reserved for a lucky few—it’s a skill set you can refine. By weaving purposeful habits into your daily routines, you transform from a worrier consumed by self-doubt into a woman who knows her worth and isn’t afraid to chase her dreams.
So, my friend, gather your courage, write that habit statement, and take your first step. Whether you’re the queen of snooze buttons or the reluctant cook, you’ve got all the tools you need to flourish. Start small, grow steadily, and watch your confidence soar.
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