Hello, my loves! How are we all feeling this week? I hope you’ve managed to find a little pocket of calm amidst the usual rush.
Today, I want to talk about something that many of us tuck away in the "I’ll deal with that later" cupboard of our minds. It’s a topic that can feel quite loud and heavy, yet we often try to keep it silent: money.
Specifically, how do you start to feel more confident with your finances when you’ve spent the last few months (or even years) avoiding them?
As a confidence coach and a former accountant, I’ve seen both sides of the coin, the cold, hard numbers and the deep, tender emotions they stir up. I know that for my fellow ambitious women, money isn’t just about maths. It’s about freedom, safety, and our sense of self-worth.
If you’ve been avoiding your bank balance, ignoring those "friendly reminder" emails, or feeling a wave of guilt every time you tap your card, please know that you are not alone. And more importantly, you are not failing.
You start by looking at your money without judging yourself. It’s time for a gentle reset.
Why do we avoid looking at our money?
A lot of women avoid their money because they are scared of what they might find. You might feel like you "should" be better with money by now, especially as a professional or a business owner. You may feel embarrassed that you don’t have more in your savings, or frustrated that your income seems to disappear as quickly as it arrives.
But avoiding your money does not mean you are irresponsible, lovelies. It usually means you feel overwhelmed.
In the UK, research shows a significant "confidence gap" when it comes to finances. Did you know that women are nearly three times more likely than men to report low confidence with numbers? This isn't because of a lack of ability; it’s a lack of practice and the weight of societal pressure.
Sometimes we avoid money because:
- We are scared of seeing the real number: Facing the truth feels like facing a failure.
- We don’t want to feel guilty about spending: We associate "budgeting" with being told "no."
- The comparison trap: We feel behind compared with what we see on social media.
- The "Bad with Money" Identity: We secretly believe that being messy with finances is just "who we are."
But here is the truth: avoiding money does not make the stress disappear. It just moves the stress into the background. It becomes that tight chest when a direct debit is due or the "I'll check later" that turns into another week of anxiety.
5 signs you need a money confidence reset
How do you know if your relationship with money needs a little extra love? See if any of these resonate with you:
1. You avoid checking your bank balance
You might only check when you absolutely have to, or you wait until payday so you don't have to see the "damage" from the month before. A confident money habit isn't about everything being perfect; it’s about choosing to stay connected to your reality.
2. You feel guilty after spending
Even when it’s something you needed, you still feel like you’ve done something wrong. This is where identity and confidence coaching can be so transformative, helping you realise that your spending is a tool, not a character reference.
3. You don’t know where your money is going
You earn well, but by the end of the month, you aren't sure where it all went. It feels like your hard work is just trickling away into "little things."
4. You keep promising to sort it out "next month"
Next month always feels like a fresh start, but without a change in your system and your mindset, it usually ends up being a repeat of this month.
5. You feel ashamed about your money situation
This is the big one. Shame says, "I should have done better." Confidence says, "I can start from where I am." You are not your debt, and you are not your past spending decisions.
What is money confidence?
Money confidence is the ability to face your finances with honesty, calm, and self-trust. It does not mean you have every single penny figured out or that you’re a pro-investor.
It means being willing to look at the truth and take the next right step. It’s choosing progress over perfection.
Money confidence looks like:
- Checking your account without your heart racing.
- Knowing exactly which bills are coming out this week.
- Having a simple plan for debt instead of ignoring the letters.
- Saying "no" to spending that doesn't align with your values without feeling "less than."
The more you practise looking at your money calmly, the more your confidence grows. It’s a muscle, my loves, and we are going to build it together.
How to check your money without judgement
This is your gentle money confidence reset. I want you to give yourself 20 minutes. Make a big brew: a cappuccino or your favourite tea. Sit somewhere that feels safe and chic.
Step 1: Take a deep breath before you look
Before opening your banking app, remind yourself: "I am looking at my money so I can support myself, not shame myself." Your nervous system matters. If you approach your money with a "fight or flight" energy, you’ll naturally want to shut down. Start gently.
Step 2: Check what is currently in your account
Write down your current balance. Don't judge it. It’s just information.
Step 3: List what still needs to come out
Write down the rent, the council tax, the Netflix subscription, the credit card minimum. The aim is simply to reduce surprises.
Step 4: Check what money is still coming in
List your salary, client payments, or that refund you’ve been expecting. Clarity is power.
Step 5: Choose one small action
Do not try to overhaul your entire life in one sitting. Choose one thing. Cancel that one subscription you never use. Move £10 into a savings pot. Set a reminder to check your account every Friday morning. These tiny, honest steps rebuild your self-trust.
A simple weekly money confidence routine
To keep this momentum going, I recommend a weekly "Money Date." You can even listen to an episode of my podcast, Cappuccinos & Confidence, while you do it to keep the vibes high!
- Check your balance: Stay connected.
- Look ahead: What bills are due before the next payday?
- Review the week: What did you spend? Was it aligned with your values?
- Save something: Even if it’s just £5, the act of saving builds the identity of a saver.
- Choose a focus: Maybe this week the focus is "bringing lunch to work" or "sticking to the grocery list."
Money confidence is emotional
We often talk about budgeting as if it’s just maths, but for us women, money is deeply emotional. It’s connected to how we were raised, our independence, and our sense of safety.
You can know what to do logically and still struggle to do it. You might know you need to save, but find yourself impulse-spending when you’re stressed at work. This is why compassion is the most important tool in your financial toolkit. You cannot shame yourself into a better life. You build a better life by becoming someone you can trust.
If you’re feeling like you need a deeper dive into your self-belief, my Identity & Confidence Coaching is designed to help you strip away that doubt and rebuild from the inside out.
You can be "good with money" from this point forward
You don’t need to wait until you earn more. You don’t need to wait until the debt is gone. You can begin today with one honest look and one calm decision.
That is how money confidence is built. Not through perfection, but through consistency and choosing not to abandon yourself when things feel uncomfortable.
So, if you’ve been avoiding your money, this is your invitation to come back to it. Open the app. Take a breath. You aren't behind; you’re just beginning again. And beginning again counts.
Stay confident, stay you.
With love,
Nefe
Download the Money Confidence Checklist
If you want a gentle, structured place to start, I’ve created something just for you. The Money Confidence Checklist will help you check in with your finances without the shame. Use it to review your balance, plan your week, and take that first brave step.
Download the Money Confidence Checklist here
FAQs
What is money confidence?
Money confidence is the ability to look at, understand, and manage your money with calm and self-trust. It’s not about being a maths genius; it’s about being willing to face the truth and make intentional choices.
How can I stop avoiding my bank account?
Start small! Set a timer for just 10 minutes. Do it in a space where you feel relaxed, perhaps with a nice coffee. Remind yourself that the numbers are just data, not a reflection of your worth.
Why do I feel so much shame about money?
Shame often comes from comparing our "behind-the-scenes" with everyone else's "highlight reel," or from old messages we received about money as children. Recognising that it's a common feeling is the first step to moving past it.
Can a budget really help my confidence?
Absolutely. A budget isn't a cage; it’s a map. It gives your money a job and gives you the clarity to make decisions without the "can I afford this?" anxiety.
What is the very first step to take?
Awareness. Before you change anything, just observe. Look at what’s coming in and what’s going out. Once you have the facts, the fear starts to fade.
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