Hey lovely people, welcome back to Confidence & Cappuccino with Nefe! ☕

Before we get into today’s chat, I just want to say a huge, heartfelt thank you to everyone who reached out after last week’s episode, “Grieving the Life You Imagined.”
 Your messages, emails, and kind words honestly meant so much. It reminded me how powerful it is to connect with you — not just as a host behind a mic, but human to human.
 It’s such a privilege to share these conversations and to know they resonate. So, truly — thank you. 💛

Now, let me be real for a second — I currently have a cold.
 Yep. Your girl sounds like she’s been narrating a late-night jazz station, my head feels foggy, and my tea-to-tissue ratio is alarming.

Honestly, my version of “having it all together” today would’ve been not recording.
But I made a promise to myself to show up anyway.
 So here I am, wrapped in a blanket, powered by honey and lemon, and showing up as my slightly sniffly, but still sparkly self.

And actually — that’s exactly what today’s episode is about:
The Myth of Having It All Together.

☕ 1: No One Actually Has It Together

Let’s just admit it — the whole idea of “having it all together” is a scam.
 A beautifully marketed, socially approved illusion.

Because here’s the truth: nobody has it together all the time.
Everyone’s got at least one cupboard, inbox, or emotional situation that’s “please don’t open that.”

Even the most “sorted” person you know probably has mismatched socks, overdue bills, or a fridge that looks like a crime scene.

I once saw someone post a photo of their spotless kitchen with the caption, “Just a typical Sunday reset.”
 Then, on her story, she accidentally showed the mountain of laundry behind her.
 Relatable content, honestly.

We all curate the highlight reel — but real confidence doesn’t come from pretending it’s perfect.
It comes from accepting that life is beautifully, gloriously messy — and still showing up.

🌿 2: Why the “Together” Myth Destroys Confidence

Here’s the thing — when we buy into the myth that everyone else is thriving while we’re just surviving, we start to internalise shame.

We think:
“I should be doing more.”
“I should look like that.”
“I should have figured this out by now.”

And all those “shoulds” slowly eat away at self-trust.

I remember once rushing to a meeting, coffee in one hand, mascara smudged under one eye, trying to act like I had it all under control.
 And later, one of my colleagues — who looked so put-together — told me she’d cried in the bathroom right before.
 We were both just doing our best with caffeine and coping mechanisms.

So if you’ve ever felt like everyone else has cracked the code — they haven’t.
 Confidence isn’t about controlling everything.
It’s about being kind to yourself when everything feels out of control.

💫 3: My “Not Together” Moments

Alright, confession time. Because if I’m going to talk about this, I’ve got to be real with you.

1️⃣ The Drum Incident.
 Once, during a coaching session, my neighbour decided to start what I can only describe as a full-on drum solo.
I tried to stay calm and professional, but deep down, I was one boom-boom-clash away from losing it.
 I told my client, “Let’s take a deep breath,” but honestly? It was mostly for me.

2️⃣ The Lipstick Tragedy.
 I filmed a whole video once — lighting perfect, hair on point, outfit immaculate.
Halfway through editing, I realised my lipstick was on my teeth. The entire time.
 Did I re-film it? Absolutely not. Because life’s too short and makeup wipes are expensive.

3️⃣ Today.
 Right now, I’m recording with a cold, a blanket cape, and a mug of tea that’s gone cold twice.
 I don’t feel my best. But I’m here.
 And that’s what real confidence looks like — showing up even when you’re sniffly, sleepy, or slightly falling apart.

☕ 4: The Real Secret to Confidence

Confidence doesn’t come from being perfect.
It comes from self-trust — the kind that whispers, “I can handle this.”

When you stop judging yourself for being human, something magical happens.
 You start feeling free.

Free to take risks.
 Free to be seen.
Free to live life as it is, not as it looks on Instagram.

Because confidence isn’t built in your “together” moments — it’s built in the messy, honest ones where you choose compassion instead of criticism.

🌸 5: 3 Gentle Ways to Let Go of “Together”

If you’re tired of trying to be perfect, here are three small ways to let yourself breathe again:

1️⃣ Lower the bar — to realistic levels.
 Ask yourself, “What does ‘good enough’ look like today?”
 If you brushed your teeth, sent that one email, or remembered to drink water — you’re doing great.

2️⃣ Laugh at the chaos.
 When your plans fall apart, your phone dies, and your lunch burns — laugh.
 Humour is healing. And laughter builds resilience faster than any motivational quote ever could.

3️⃣ Celebrate “showing up” more than “shining.”
You won’t always be your best self — but you can be your present self.
 Even if that self has a sniffle and blanket cape.

💫 Summing Up: A Thought to Leave You With

You don’t need to have it all together to be worthy, lovable, or confident.
You just need to have you.

Because confidence isn’t a state of perfection — it’s a relationship of trust.
 And the moment you realise that being real is braver than being flawless…
 That’s when life starts to feel lighter.

So this week, I want you to repeat this:

“I’m doing my best — and that’s enough.”

And if you’re sipping tea in your pajamas at 3 p.m. while doing that? Even better. ☕

(closing):
Thank you so much for tuning in to this week’s Confidence & Cappuccino.
 And again, thank you to everyone who reached out after the last episode — your kindness really touched me and reminded me why I do this.

If this episode made you smile or helped you exhale, share it with someone who might need that same reminder:
You don’t need to be perfect — you just need to be present.

You can find the full transcript, reflection prompts, and resources for this episode at nefeoguntoye.com/the-myth-of-having-it-all-together-cc36.

Until next time — keep showing up, keep laughing, and remember… confidence isn’t built in perfection; it’s built in persistence.

With warmth, tissues, and tea,
Nefe x

End of transcript.